Thursday, February 20, 2014

Desperate Housewife

I'm  now a housewife. Not a homemaker, by far, but a housewife. Lots of wonderful (I'm trying to not be whiny and negative) and surprising revelations about myself now fill my days. I care less and less about food, that I have to decide, arrange for and cook. I like to go out, now more than ever. And this is not a fun thing, because when you quit working after a few many years of blessed financial freedom, a different kind of guilt takes over. One where your mind boggles on which is a reasonable expense to make? Hmm, I don't know, 4 euros for a thai-coconut curry mix or 5 euros for a discounted maroon H&M suspenders? Its H&M, and it was discounted. This one was easy, I picked the suspenders and a three pack frozen pizza for dinner. But its not always this easy.

Its really difficult to explain. Its not like He's been a less gracious provider, he's been wonderful really. Every few days when he notices I'm being low and generally quiet, he announces how I should just go mad shopping the next day. It always makes me feel cheap, viciously superficial and very fucking happy. So happy. But its like my heart knows the difference. I don't like just shopping, I like guilt free shopping. One where I go reckless in my office lunch breaks, and adjust credit cards to look all flower paisley fantastic for my ingeniously smart banker husband. And where I buy house decor online on weekends and one where I surprise Him with small gifts he didn't know he needed. I really miss doing all of that.