Sunday, December 6, 2009

Holiday Seasons, Bang Bang, Lychee Martinis, Vulgarity and I

I went to Bangalore. And there’s nothing even remotely banging about the damn city. In any aspect or meaning of Bang whatsoever. It’s boring as hell. Mumbai is delicious. Fuck yes. And I’m never leaving, that’s it. NOW I’ve said it. Screw you all.

I’ve started to notice how some words just sound so sexy. And they’re all rational non-dirty words. Just, sound so sexy. Even out of the context. Like Felicity. Say it, you’ll see. Like Velvet. Or say Froth. See what I mean? Anymore you guys can think of?

Apart from an obscene sense of humour, vulgarity and an unreasonable amount of curiosity in hindi swear words, I now also have a full time job. Which is great, but I hate the travel. Cause really, there’s only so much of strangers’ sweat you can take in a day.

Thanksgiving just went by and just cause I didn’t mention it does not at all mean that I’m an ungrateful bitch (although in the past few weeks there have been some meaningful directed not-so-subtle suggestions made to me to just get bitch tattooed instead of my really gay butterfly, huh) So yeah, there are plenty of things I’m thankful for. First off, I’m thankful to God for being so non-interfering. I like that sort of a system. It makes you all mysterious and brings in so much glamour. Like about your forms, if God is beautiful or just mom-look-alike? I am thankful to all the people in the world for trying out different cuisines and all sort of food, so we may sample it here in India, of course with a dash of tadka. That’s right, we have Indian Tadka in everything from Nachos to Risotto to Peri-Peri. I’m very very thankful for being given this body, and also eleventy thousand times more thankful for the sort of shit you can do with it. I’m thankful for Jet’s very hot cabin crew to make travel easier. I’m thankful to Vijay Mallya to make Kingfisher so readily available everywhere, you’re doing my country proud honey. I’m very thankful to my roomies for midnight laughs and always having leftover food in our fridge. I’m thankful for guilt free fantasies. I’m thankful to all open minded people for invigorating and extensively liberating conversations. To Melange, for making low-cost cotton kurtas. To W, for making Indian wear so ghetto. To Toto’s, for being there. Stay. For true affection. For short fleeting stares strangers give followed by a smile. To playful winking. To soundproofing. And to my salary, thanks for being there and on time Amen. Awomen.

PS: Oh about the title, Lychee Martini is a great waste. But it’s just so awesome to hold a Martini glass. Also, in this same Martini sampling party there was Yash Birla and of course my gossipy drunk mouth had to tell all my friends “look! Yash Birla, do you know he’s probably one of the richest guys in India?” and they were all like, he’s way too ugly for so much money. Hehe. True that.

PPS: Anticipate a big big post on my sacrosanct undying theories on IIT and IIT men ( there are only men in IIT). Since my recent close (and ongoing)encounter with IIT, I have come up with some totally bril ideas on "how to make IITians less of a loser in life?" and it will include a full scale course with workshops on "How not to speak of Hertz as a subject of omni-interest on dinner tables" and "How to stop assuming and start talking (in commonly intelligible people's language, and avoiding fight, machana and chamkana) Whew!", oh and certainly "How not all women are like porn stars! Anywhere on their bodies."

PPPS: If you thought just reading this post was sexy, you are a true IITian. Congratulations. Now, shut up, and join my workshops (and get a life).

Mwah Mwah XOXO


Unknown said...

bohot sahi yaar...zindagi ke luft to koi tujhse uthana seekhe..kala hai bhai, har kisi ke bass ki baat nahi itni bakhubi se jeena. CHEERZ TO U AND UR LIFE!!

Unknown said...

bohot sahi yaar...zindagi ke luft to koi tujhse uthana seekhe..kala hai bhai, har kisi ke bass ki baat nahi itni bakhubi se jeena. CHEERZ TO U AND UR LIFE!!

kamaltriloksingh said...


I am simply smiling...
And you know what, if feels Awesome....


zubin said...

It was a sexy post!
And guess that makes me eligible for a class on the workshop. Just mail me the address and the time. I really do need that :D.
And thanks for taking the cudgels on behalf of us poor IITians.
And fuck, generally high on life or what? Or was this under the influence of alcohol?

Vinod Khare said...

Pi ke likha hai kya? Kya hai ye?

Saurav Arya said...

Could nt stop myself frm posting this comment..

First of all, you were too busy with something and you yourself chose to miss the Bang at Bangalore! Dont hate but repent!

About sexy words - few from my side - Serendipity, Cadburys and puma!
Are we from same universe?

About anticipating your post on IIT - I could so much predict that once I got to know you've relocated urself to Powai.
'Ongoing' - Ahmm Ahmm

GajabKhopdi said...

This post too seems to have been written the influence of a Martini...coz u so much seem to be on a high :P

Waise, although i don't think 'IIT Men' are any different from just 'Men', it would be interesting to see ur take on them.

Saurabh Gupta said...


I got your reference from a close friend of mine who knows you too (your sister's friend). Anyways, I read your blog post, so many thanks to the world - nice.

But it seems like you are pissed with some IITian and could also feel some sort of insecurity while going through the content.

If you have some generalizations for IITians and IIT life, we would love to read those because there are IITians in India like Narayan Murthy and Rajat Gupta who might want to see what IITs are thought by young writers like you.

There are some suggestions to you though if you wanna write some meaningful stuff:

1. Get the facts right
2. Don't over generalize 'coz every organization has all kinds of people

Best of luck with your career!

Unknown said...

@ Jini

Kisses! :)

@ Kamal

:) Cheers to you too! AUR.. display pic change kar!

@ Zubin

You and I should do a trial run for the workshop! :P
PS: I am generally high on life. Very.

@ Vinod

Hangoverrrr, and still so high. Imagine.

@ Saurav

Yes, maybe. You can show me around a bit. And we CAN give it another fair chance. Benefit of doubt. Sure.

Cadbury IS sexy. Hehe, IIT post would be fun. I need some freindly insider views, game?

@ Shashank

I am on a general high in life :)
PS: I like your display pic! Retrospective and all.

@ Saurabh

Insecurity you said? :) :) Awww.

Eternally Stupidified said...

No Clue !! didn't get any of it :)
But Happy to see you High. Enjoy Life !!! Cheers !!

Anonymous said...

Intresting post. I was looking forward to read your October post.

Sonia said...

haha, that's a very materialistic thanksgiving list! Btw, B'lore can be fun too! Depends on what places you go (and more importantly, whom you go with ;-)

LMAO at your "How to" one liners!!
But I know a lot of such jerks who're not associated with IIT at all (ha!), so these traits can't be generalized. That extends the scope of your workshop right away, globally :p

Unknown said...

@ Sonia

My love! I miss you around! Yeah I know, we should totally do that, expand to global reach that is. Or at least, in times of today we need a MYOB workshop :P

@ Ani @ Nomad


Unknown said...

Lol. I have a lot of IITians in my office, and i totally feel the drift. So what is this workshop about, you are teaching them to date?? ROFL..

Unknown said...

Yeah! it was down right sexy! :P

Rahul Vaid said...

Deep Nainy really deep...:)
Didnt know you've got some great posts...really..
Keep up the good work...
Hows life ??

Mistral Noir said...

i love this, you know the rhetoric, the teeny irreverence, the nonchalance, the i'm-so-vain-yet-cool self-deprecation and why do you care abt thanksgiving? it's not quite a manufactured holiday in this part of the world, not as yet(unless some iit-ian turned yuppie is reading this),
btw what do you workshop on? rehabilitation for the post-iitian non idiots? and do lychee martinis have lychee's floating in them instead of olives? im really time just gobble up the lychees and quietly dunk the martini into the closest glass/vase/flowerpot when nobody's looking...i dont feel like sharing my philosophcial vantage points just yet, ill save them for later...for more dramatic posts..but i think i'll read your archives..maybe you are hiding a few gems, who knows..ciao

Vimal said...

you're right about most things. bangalore sucks more than all the vaccum cleaners in the world put together. couldn't agree with u more. thank you, you've made my day.