Thursday, April 23, 2009

Meri Ma

When I meet new people, which is a lot, I love meeting people. In my opinion they’re the only original non-spoilt-by-brands-and-advertisements and non-plagiarized source of ideas left in our Ctrl-C Ctrl-V world-o-rama.

Topic deviation, shit, ADD, now back. So when I meet new people, I was saying, I always ask about their families. Their parents, siblings, the way they’re bought up, home culture and the like. It interests me a lot. And I always end up feeling a little lost. On – what is –really- the right way to bring up children? The way my parents bought me up? Or the way everyone else is? I’m aware this is a massive generalization, but that is exactly what I intend.

My parents had very few rules, and the ones they did enforce had nothing to do with discipline. The one rule I’ve known and followed all my life, till today, is that we eat together. No matter what. You didn’t have to agree with anyone, if you don’t really accept the idea in your heart. Even if it’s the-dad or the-mom. You’re open to argue, at all levels, at all times. Every advice is well, just an advice. No one expects you to fully follow it. I was told “you shouldn’t be out so late”, as opposed to, “you cannot be out so late”. And I had the right to not follow it.

My mom always let me make my own mistakes. And they let me pay for it. I cant even fathom how hard that must have been. To know in your heart that your little daughter is being such a fool but not lose her by saying it to her face, and let her fall in front of your eyes, sit down-spirited, with a broken heart. And again, still not show a face of I-told-you-so. When I look back today, I know, there could not have been a better way.

No topic in my parents’ house is off limits. Really, I have spoken of condoms on my dinner table. And I can swear in my parents’ presence. Yes, in Hindi too. I must also add here, that if any of you think I’m from a super rich bollywood family, you got it all wrong. I come from a typical middle class family, my mom’s a housewife, she comes from a small town in Maharashtra and my Dad’s an engineer, and my little brother is well, annoying and goofy, to say the least. So what really stood them apart from all the others trying to be friends parents is that they as individuals were the most receptive to change. Changes around them , in ways of the world and in their children.

I had my first beer with my Dad, and the next 30 following it too, before I started going out with my friends. It’s not that they encouraged Alcohol. It’s just that they respected and treated us as adults, when we needed to be. Respected my choices. I think it was that freedom given to me, which makes me feel responsible as an adult till today.

This post is not about how lucky I am to save my money for alcohol and just drink from my home’s refrigerator, or how I can make dirty jokes on dinner table and my parents don’t even blink. It’s more about how I’m NOT two different people when I’m home and otherwise. It’s about how amazing I feel to be accepted just the way I am, just the way I’ve chosen to be and make of myself. There is an infinite amount of reassurance you get when you’re accepted lovingly by the people who know your shortcomings the most.

I plan to get married soon, and I want to have kids one day. I just hope that when my kids grow up they look back and feel the same about their parents as I do for my Mom and Dad.


I’m no hurry to have kids yet. Shaadi tak theek hain yaar, bachche jyaada ho jayegi mazaak mazaak main. Aur ye bhavna main khaasi tarah se vyakt bhi kar chuki hun. Ab haal hi ki baat le lijiye.

Meri Ma ne Naani ban ne ki mannat maangi hain, mujhe kal hi pata chala. Mera vichaar ye tha is par ki ‘Maa, Naani ban ne ke liye shaadi ki kya aavashyakta hain, who toh aap yun bhi ban sakti ho’ :P

Is par, ek atyant hi Punjabi tone main ‘badtameez’ kehke Maa ne phone kaat diya. Hehe.. Maze hi aa gaye.

Ab itna senti diya hain, toh nahi ruk paungi, sun hi lo.

“..Ye Zindagi Hain Mom Ki,
Tu Mom Pe Lutaaye Ja.. “

Aap sabhi ka din sukhad ho. Vote karna na bhuliyega.
Jai Raam Ji Ki.


Sona Garnaik said...

thanx darling! finally i hv my big brk into blogging wid ur blog :) by d way,i completely 2nd ur's r d cutest,lovliest, but weirdest creations of god! n we luv dem 4 wat dey r!

Subhajit said...

Oh dear... this post is... What shall I say? Par Excellence. The best line is "It’s more about how I’m NOT two different people when I’m home and otherwise."

Though my parents has accepted a lot of changes with time very positively, but I find majority of my friends' parents still interfering in almost everything of their lives.

Just a request, plz arrange a session with your parents where they can share their mantra with other parents. Sounds weird, but I wish...

indeed a NICE one...

Unknown said...

Very well said always!

Indeed!! The absence of communication gap is the best-est gift parents can give their children.

The free flow of Ideas, Opinions, Respect, Love, Friendship and Acceptance is of utmost importance for peaceful and productive co-existence.

Every child should be treated as a young adult and should be given a chance and be heard!

You are very blessed!!

Sonia said...

jala le beta...hum jaiso ko jala le :p kaash ki hum bhi ek hi chehra ghar aur bahar sabko dikha sakte ;-)

I guess my upbringing has been such that now I'm trained to wear different masks for different environments. Being the sincere one at work, 'aadarsh beti' for family, achhi bahu for sasuraal...and the 'true bindaas ME' only for a few close friends. The 'ideal' definition in all these environments are so damn different that if I were to be myself I would lose my terms with everyone in a moment. That has to do a lot with my family not being as open-minded as yours!

Hussain Haidry said...

I second every word of Sonia. Every word, really. Just that 'bahu' bit doesn't fit me. :D

DreamCatcher said...

well good to read ur blog after I come back from my sabbatical :P

and a very sweet post

Unknown said...

@ Dreamcatcher

You've been gone long! But... good thing you came back :) Now we need some posts from the sabbatical! :)

Karn said...

usko nahi dekha humney kabhi,
par iski zaroorat kya hogi;
aye maa teri soorat se alag,
bhagwaan ki soorat kya hogi

Unknown said...

Your parents are your enemies if they and you both drink beer. Drinking beer is aweful. Don't you guys have any better habit to pass on to your kids and blog. If you want to be a mommy in fututre, better ditch the idea of consuming beer. Drink water instead of alcohol, I'am sure there's enough water in Indore to quench your thirst. Drinking beer is not freedom, it's cheapness. Enlightenment is freedom, bragging is not. I pity people like you whose parents are not enlightened enough to be role models for them.

Unknown said...

Dear Shilpa,

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed - Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'"
-Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Unknown said...

Also dear Shilpa,


Karn said...

I TOTALLY agree how awful beer is. Infact, I've read in agniband that beer is actually an ancient derivative of devil-piss.

Instead of the dastardly aweful act of drinking beer, you should do better and healthier alternative things to then pass on as a habit to kids.
Like drinking bhang.

Its cheaper, more natural and Shivji approved. Also has a great enlightenment success rate. Plus, NO hangover!

Unknown said...

Preiya, You are no way supporting the average beer factory workers by buying the crap. By being an ignorant consumer with poor choices, you are filling the pockets of commercial beer producers and corporate giants. The beer factory workers will be better off and satisfied working at somecow friendly Goshala and for you I suggest to invest in organic dairy and cow products. Be an intelligent and enlightened consumer by supporting the local small cow sheds and farmers.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

@ Shilpa

Oh my dear dear dear girl. No really it needed a full stop there.

First of all, what's all the cow shit you're talking? Organic Dairy? Whaaaaaat? Oh wait, that was your distraction idea to Prieya? Oh man.

No sarcasm. No humour. No taste. No beer for you.


PS: Also, do not undermine the value I give to water. It's a major ingredient in Beer ;-) Kisses.

@ Karn

Bol bam? :P

@ Prieya

I MISS YOU. And I miss Geoffreys. Get your sorry ass here, and we'll get to - well - Beer :-*

Unknown said...

Dear Shilpa,
I am Lactose intolerant.