“I’ve known people like them. They all have certain characteristics in common. They’re tough, because there’s a kind of toughness that’s found in the worst sorrow. They’re honest because the truth of what happened to them won’t let them lie. They’re angry, because they can’t forget the past or forgive it. And they’re lonely. Most of us pretend, with greater or lesser success, that the minute we live in is something we can share. But the past for every one of us is a desert island; and those like Khaled, who find themselves marooned there, are always alone.”
-Lin, Shataram

I like these lines. They make me smile, in respect, retrospect and nervousness. As they say, you only love in something or someone, the part which is you. Are you with me so far? Rephrasing, only that in you which is me, can hear what I’m saying. Probably the reason why the above bit has been ringing in my ears since last night.

P.S. Other than that, I’ve noticed that my capacity to swear at any random moment of my life (awake, semi awake and in almost sleeping states) has never been better. There is not a single context in the past one month or so which has been devoid of atleast a single F**k or Ch**t as my reaction. The latter is a lot more satiating phrase ofcourse. F**k is vague, there’s way too many intangible and softer uses for the word, in turn the real glory is lost in the chaos. Whereas, Ch**t is direct, in the face, no shitting and damn serious. I love that, and the sound of it.

BULLshit

So, ladies and gentlemen, I have no time. No, really. Not kidding, I have no time. I make my schedules everyday on my diary with a list of things to-do, few carried forward from yesterday’s, few from even before, some fresh emergency project completion items, some over ambitious plans; and a wishlist-type-to-do which include items like oil your hair, soak feet in warm water, take off the chapped nail paint from toes, read the new fiction book from Colaba whose bargaining price I gave my soul to, and the like.

So, I guess there is a reason people start breaking up when they go to business schools, not just because they cant give time to their needy, cutely, and oh-so-sexy counterparts, its also because they have no time for themselves (read personal grooming). My hair is thinning, I fear much much faster than the US recession. My complexion fluctuates like Indian Inflation as off late, majorly its always towards the bad news. An important contributor I must here give credit to, the Mumbai Moisture and its outstanding ability to invite dust and retain it, with every trip outside. And yes, my palms feel like a nasty marathon runner crocodile’s feet, thanks to the new found, weekly due liability of washing clothes.

Today in my Operations Management class, in the stream of handouts being passed around, one of them, I overlooked slightly for some paper which read “Thought of the Day”, my eyes lighted up! I studied arts for my graduation! Finally. Anything related to something from my earlier education, I couldn’t thank God enough for the opportunity I was provided to top my class, atleast once, just for discussing one handout. That’s enough too. My eyes already scouting for words like learning, life, love, truth, sanity, soul, purpose, righteousness, uncertainty… Sigh. I looked at the paper, was horrified to disbelief and starting writing this blog at the back of the handout.

Here, share the joy.

Thought of the Day

“Bull markets are born in despair, rise with skepticism, mature with optimism, and die with mania.”
-Franklin Templeton

Fuck, yeah.

Wide Eyed Smiles

Yes,I figured (with prompt help from my friends and readers) that this post lacks explanation, and some context. So here it is, gladly so.

My friends and I, in the process of volunteering for Rotaract Club (Please look it up, if you're not aware of the initiative, and join!) went to a village in Navi Mumbai under a community health improvement program. The initiative is to reduce the child mortality rate and so one of the measure includes a regular blood check up and advising the women on how to take care of themselves during pregnancy.

Incidentally, in midst of all the running around and chaos, we couldn't ignore the curious faces, shy and yet unnerved with all the activity in their small school compound. So we all took up the chance and went to a few classes. Standard VII, III and I. We played quiz with them, gave chocolates, talked but to tell you the truth noting was enough. There was upsurge of such unsettling guilt, I didn't know how to conduct myself. Probably none of us did,but we tried. I guess we're still trying, trying to see if we can go back and teach couple of hours a week. Likhne ka kya hain, kuch hoga tab aur kahungi. Meanwhile. I'm here.

P.S. Maybe this post has a random stop, but its mostly cause my words are not powerful enough. I feel helpless.

The Happy Economics Intervention

So, life is happening. Meanwhile my love for Economics continues. Its probably my professor. ‘Boss’ has got it going for all of us I guess. This one time, really long back, I was talking to Rachit about simple pleasures, happiness, real happiness.. and we started talking about it in terms of Maxima/Minima on our Life axis. The point is he loved Maths so much that he could explain life with it. Same with Me and my Economics. Everything I learn in Economics, just comes to life. It’s just the way things happen to us/with us. I might be sounding smitten by it and extremely biased but to tell you the truth, I am smitten and extremely biased to Economics. For example: In Principles of Economics to Aid Individual Decisions: ‘People face tradeoff’. Uhh..YES! Yes please. ‘The cost of anything is what you give up to get it’. OR ‘Demand Function’, Price is inversely proportional to Quantity sold, happens? Anything too hard to attain in our lives, falls in the rarely attempted category. OR say Average Product never goes to zero, there is always some positive output if you put any effort/input, there is always something to gain out of almost everything we do.

Exams season gone by, yeah, my opinions are changing regarding people and general competitiveness. Some people work so hard, that when my mom asks me about my exam preparations, I just start narrating theirs. I as a rule for preparation sift through the subject matter and tuck myself goodnight at 11. That’s right, 11 PM. I just don’t want to stress out too much ;-)
By the way, the two overused terms from this month’s classes – ‘Core Competency’ and ‘Optimum Utilization’. All my answer sheets, no matter what subject, had to have these there somewhere. So not much is on, exams done with, weekend was fun, and so was Rock On. It’s amazing how my pocket money always gets completely exhausted at the last day of the month. Till the last one rupee coin. Anyway, cant wait for this month’s pocket money have a long list of things to buy, besides it’s my birthday month. That’s right.. YAY.

Oh yeah, funny incident, I was talking to my Mom the other day, and just as a part of greeting her Good morning I said ‘Ram Ram’, we say that in our family when we greet the elders, I just say it now when I feel home sick and want desperately to be belonging somewhere. As soon as I said it, my Mom was laughing. Saying that ‘Ram kahan se yaad aa gaye?’. Me being in a great mood that morning (rare phenomenon) I said, its an indication that I’m still looking for mine. ‘Kahin toh khoj shuru karni padegi’. I thought she’d be smiling and would start explicitly showering her so-sought-after blessings on me that I bought the subject up by myself, but instead --- she was laughing, yes, hysterically laughing. And she said, ‘Ram toh sambhal nahi paayenge’, you should start looking for ‘Krishna’.

Pout. Pout.

Old School

I was home for Rakhi this weekend and you what I realized.. Landline phones are awesome. It feels like a phone, looks like a phone, heavy receivers and a practical perceivable distance between the earpiece and the speaker phone. It would be such fun when I was in school, the phone would ring and I would know who it is even before I would pick the call, my childhood best pal Swati. And I would be so kicked, so red and so happy. Cell phones have ruined it all. Now we always know who it is before we take the call, and well, then sometimes when we don't take the call then. However, miss those days.

IMPPORTANT EDIT: Chirayu, none of this holds true for you. Better not chuck your cell phone anywhere and be too inspired by the post. You on the other hand should have a double battery backup and not be unreachable ever. Yeap, ever. Got that!? (Ha!)

Big City Woes

Its been quiet here, I know. There's way too much going on, and in weird ways too much stagnantion. So much happened in the past few days that its hard to believe that its just been a month since the last time I wrote. I'm not myself anymore. I would stop here about what's really been on my mind, I wont have the words for it, or the heart. Some other time, some other place maybe.

So I'll just talk about my Corporate Grooming Lessons, my business school first month experience, first time away from home experience and everything in between.

Everyone's about a foot taller here, I feel sickeningly inferior - body image wise. Sometimes, when I get up to answer from my desk, I have a feeling that even standing I'm reaching to the same height as when everyone else is sitting.

People are not as competitive as I thought they would be, well, you cannot be sure I guess, since the exams have another month to go and again, I'm in HR. So yeah.

I've realized that I'm not a friendly person. People have made so many friends and so many numbers in their cell phones and so many movies and shopping trips to Colaba. My counter stands on one friend, and a few (very few) acquaintances. I'd like to believe that I take time, but again, as one of my classmates pointed out as my personality feedback in class "I'm not interested in people". Eitherway, its just a phase, everything is. Impermanence, remember.

I've been debating whether that last punctuation should have been a full stop or a question mark, I wrote it for here or for myself? I dont know. I really dont.

Since the last month, I've realized, if at any point you get stuck in a discussion or a case in your Business Class, the answer will most definitely revolve somewhere around Leadership, Teamwork and Goals. Not kidding. I'm going to revise this list soon, and I'm going to be very very pissed off if at the end of two years my answer doesnt change.

Mumbai should have a monsoon break over a summer vacation. Its moist, dirty, slippery, sticky and bloody wet. In my mind for now, rains are a rich man's delight, great from a high up building floor with AC working and a warm coffee mug in hand. It sucks when you have to walk in it from the station all the way to the hostel, with a backpack and a laptop bag in the hand and you cant find a rickshaw and you're thinking of the warden's face when she sees you at the gate - late. Irritating.

I've started eating a lot. I'm always thinking that the next meal might not turn out that good, so I just start stacking it in my stomach I guess. I've had the biggest craving for home cooked Dal-Chawal, and its sad to think that the earliest I'll get it will be Diwali. On the positive side thankfully the Rotis are not as thick, one problem out of the way, good.

I have gotten my first laptop, its a very ok Lappy we got by the college, but its mine, I looooove it! I carry it with me everywhere, and its an acer, so it not particularly feather weight. Its not even funny.

I thought there's a certain way girls smell and everyone's body has a unique fragrance and how deoderants are so artificial. That was until I had travelled in Mumbai Local Trains. Outlooks change, you know. Enter, Nike Woman.

For the most part though, I dont mind the local trains at all, the city would come to a standstill if weren't for these. By the way, First Class is no First Class, its a waste. Never buy it, if you can afford ten minutes to but the second class ticket.

Alright, I really need to crib and use this blog for its rightful purpose of existence - to vent out frustrations. There are no geysers in my hostel bathrooms. Its raining and cold water in the shower at 6:30 am is like being electrocuted, even worse than that if you have to shampoo, and condition, and wash clothes, stack of them thanks to the damn rain. And..and everytime after you use it, you bring your soap and shampoo back to your room and lock everything up. You lock before sleeping. You lock when you go to the bathroom. You lock your food. I once had a dream that my lovely Chakli from Indore got stolen. Aaah, breathe easy, just a nightmare. Lock the chakli, check.

More on hostel and a lot more on hostel facilities, coming right up, soon. But for now, time to get to Managerial Eco. Later then.

Fun Updates

Things are, well, relatively calmer. Now that I have something definite on my to-do list atleast or two years, which also by the way requires a lot of commitment and hard work. I'm scared too, people say business schools suck, you know. Sheh.. I dont want to use this word "You know!". And I dont want to use "Sweet", "Cute" and "like". Maybe I should include frowns and sarcasm in my not-to-do list too, now since I'm at it, but then on second thoughts without these, i'll have no ugly sense of humour left to entertain my friends. Huh.
I'm going to be leaving soon, in a week precisely. And of all the other things that I've been thinking about, Mummy-Papa top the list. I'll miss them so much :( Other things include - Bed tea, Washed and ironed clothes, Landline Phone and Upmaa :( P.S. I will update this list, when I get more hands-on experience.

Trash-can-of-a-movie-update: Idiocracy
Review: Shit Stupid. I have too much time on my hands.

Movie-I'm-Dieng-to-watch: Sex and the City
Reason: Sex and the City

Movie-waiting-on-my-harddrive: Planet Earth Complete Series
Reason-its-still-waiting: They had a ugly crocodile scene in the first few minutes of 'Caves', I shut the entire thing off then.

Last-est-Movie-I-Saw: I'm a cyborg, but that's okay.
Review: Very sweet. A must watch. ("Sweet", here I go again).

Also, I happened to take local transport in my city two days ago, and guess what I discovered, Chivalry, my girls, isnt dead yet! :) It was a lot of fun. Rain catalyzed it too actually. What else? I'm bored. And I'm hungry. I have a really great joke on my cell phone (after so long)and no balance (annoyed). Also, I just recently finished my long time overhauled project at work. YAY! Cant't wait to get paid! Say hey! Also, they told me if I ever get free time on weekends in college, I can still work for them part-time and earn some pocket money. Its a good feeling to be wanted :)

Does everyone else daydream just as much? As in, say, half the time that you're free? I just keep thinking about random things I'd like to have. Like a small cozy apartment with a huge chunk of it as my bedroom. Huha! And a glass closet and a huge sofa and that book by Marquez I'm dieng to read and.. and... and.. You get my point. The last I caught myself thinking was, I wish I had a big black sassy SUV for myself. Maybe throw in jet dark glares and a suede waist coat. Heh, the funny part is - I dont even know how to drive. Ha.

On other fronts, I'm deleting my Orkut account for the nth time now. I figure, its more a evesdropping, and satiate your scepticism deal than anything else. First of, nobody knows what to talk to that long lost 8th grader friend, who by the way used to be fat as a pumpkin back then. After all the yeah you've changed and the couple of whats ups and whats news, I dont know what the hell to talk. And then ofcourse there are those testimonials (a lot of people have begun to refer those as "testis" by the way, umm, uhh). The next time I make a new one (ACCOUNT!, jeez!), my friends are just gonna be like, "Again?". They'd probably not even add me. Nobody likes there fans' numbers dwindling all the time. Thats not good for your public image.

So ok, thats it for now. I can only take so much soliloquy.