A Blog Well Waited

Week 2 in Deutschland. Sitting in the international library and wildly ecstatic for overhearing English being spoken by two elderly British gentlemen discussing politics. English, ja, since most of the time my ears have been feasting on the mighty German.

Yes, I finally made the move. To Germany. Why? Because the opportunity came and it didn't sound half bad and frankly I've been in a anywhere-but-here kinda mode since a few months.

So last month, while everyone soaked in the Christmas cheer, Him and I packed up our tiny Mumbai apartment, bid farewells to the family and moved to Deutschland.

Nothing prepares for Germany. Not even learning German on Duolingo. Nope. The small expat community online looks lively enough, sure, but no, you ain't seen Germany yet till you're stranded on a U-Bahn stop with three fat old ladies who make absurd hand gestures at you saying "Nien Englischhhhxyz xytjefjfhhfj". What? Who's being racist? I'm being accurate yo, phonetically of course.

Leaving is hard they say. But this is the super power I discovered about myself last month. I left quite happily. And not just the people, I was completely okay leaving behind things, home, infinite boxes full of stuff that at one time I absolutely had to have for my life to go on. Fantastic. But it's the arriving, the landing that I'm struggling with. Usual expat blues, I'm being told. English speakers are less, and English speaking jobs lesser still. So, the bad news is - I'm unemployed. Also, the good news is - I'm unemployed. If I told my past self that I'm right in the middle of Europe with no presentations due today, tomorrow or the next few months. I'd be shooting rainbows out of my ass. So, I'm conditioning myself to being free so much and then to utilize this free time effectively.

Conflict 2: Cold. I've got to conquer this devil. I'm a summer child, yeah.Winters make me melancholic, winters make me sad, uncomfortable, oh and immobile. I had this discussion with myself and Him when we took this decision. And it struck me then, if I keep chasing the summer suns forever, I'm cordoning off half the planet for myself already. Just like that. And that made me terribly sad. So, I packed my ear muffs and jumped right in. Also a sack full inners, leg warmers, woolen sockies, hats and gloves. In other news, they're forecasting a snow storm next week. Yes, FML. My ears ring, my toes and fingers feel like icicles and with my five foot frame, I look like a stuffed baby bear walking the streets. A cute and cuddly bear but a bear alright.

I made a huge to-do list sometime in 2008, that I stumbled upon today and I thought, hell, there will never be a better time than this. I don't have a job, I know a total of zero people (except Him) and a big to-do will be such a blessing.

So, that's all the updates from my part of the world, check back later and thank you listening to my chatter.

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

Naah, this post does not have pictures. In fact, I don't HAVE a picture in Yellow Polka Dots Bikini. This is just song I sing to myself when I feel like calling out FTS (Fuck that shit for the uninitiated) to every other thing and set off for a island retreat. Alas, not happening anytime soon.

Since I have nothing significantly life changing to do at work, I'm on to Second Life. Finally. I’m so excited. It’s been couple of hours and I’m, well, still stuck on the login page. I can’t decide on my second life name. I’m sure this is important stuff. I mean – I would be this person for all my second life. This is gravely serious. You know I’ve read that a person’s name hugely shapes their personality. Huh. This is stressful.

I had couple of options, I love that actress Kiara, so I wanted to take that as my First Name, but I don’t know it’s not personal. Anywho, my colleague suggested Sara, but Sara doesn’t go with the personality I want to have on my Second Life. So yeah, we’re still stuck there. Suggestions are welcome.

I want to be just travelling in my Second Life. Go to all the exotic places in the world Cancun, Athens, Fiji, Rome, Cape Town..aaah. And I want to wear High Heels, even to the beaches. Because god knows that I cannot survive those even for an evening. It’s not just the physical discomfort, but I have more personal reservations against it. High Heels, if you walk on the floor like the one we have in my office, are like your own arrival announcement tool. It’s crazy, the constant tick-tock attention grabbing, power breathing vindication - that I’m here – and now I’m going to the bathroom. Or that now I’m heading to the lunch room, which are basically plastic takeaway boxes, which is from a place called Maji Sagar. Umm.. I’d pass, no thanks. So after trying those for two days in my new office, I’m back to my flat greek chappals. Eh, us mortals (or non-modely). Which is good, because my darlings the rains are here.. take that high heel suckers.

So continuing this post after a couple of days now, today especially is driving me crazy. I've downloaded endlessly, I've seen everything since the morning from economics professors to Climate Control Talks, to effective Supply Chains, to how Schools kill Creativity to Mathemagics. Nothing, nothing is inspiring me. Nada. Zilch. I feel pathetic. I'm in such a crappy mood I feel like House. Really. I wish I could just snap nasty comments at everyone around me. And feel like a stud. I just want to feel like a guy. I want to be a guy. But I have work to do. So yeah, whenever I do find the time later today, I will be depressed. Stay clear.

Bus Rides, Peeing Problems and my Brother’s Girlfriend

So I took a bus ride home. And oh my god, did I feel like somebody shoot me already or what? (Ok, fine, read god with a capital G, hate the stupid Microsoft word) Anyway, where was I? Yes, the Bus ride home! I had two sleeper tickets. Not sitting, not one, but two sleeper AC tickets, all to myself. No internet, no TV, and I couldn’t be happier of finally having the time when I have nothing to do after some 6 fucking months, but no sire, nature don’t know no happiness. Only that night, it decided to bail out on my good health and go all wanting to pee all the time crazy on me. Not fun, when there is this paunchy white vest clad bus driver only to your rescue. So I woke up at 2:30 AM wanting to pee. I though, hmm, what the hell, I’d just wait it out and the feeling will go away and I’d sleep away to glory. Yeah, that didn’t work. At 3 AM I decided to do something (?). So I went to the river’s cabin, and jeez, middle of the night, in his sound proof driver cabin in the front, my ears were attacked with the monstrosity of music – “dil deta hain ro-ro duhaayi kisi se koi pyaar na karen”. Wow. That woke me up, and apparently made me want to pee even more. So we stop at one gas station aka petrol pump, yeap those oldy sidey looking pumps owned by sardar community (Beeba, if you're reading, yeah whatever). And after he halts, he says, "jaldi se kar lo" ( do it quick). Yes, I don't know if you get it but I'm not really lets hang out with the truckwallas at petrol pump types. Anywho, to my gross bad luck, the only bathroom was locked. So I come back and tell my driver its locked find me another one, and here's what he asked me - "Emergency hain kya?" (is it an emergency). I dont know what to answer to that, really. Firstly, I wont really want to admit to such a thing to a bus driver, and now I'm sad, wanting to pee like crazy and totally embarrassed. But I said yes, "haan emergency hain". And the next thing I know, he stopped the bus in a darky place, told me to get off and do it here. That's right, and two hoots to all the prudes and to my dignity, integrity and all those insincere and vaguely described and quite questionable human traits, I pee-ed on the road. Yeah, pulling pants down, squatting and pee-ed on the fucking national highway. It was an out of body experience. Haah, now that I have that out of my system, I can pee again, umm, breathe again. Yeah anyhoodle.

Also, I was eavedropping on all my little brother's conversations on the phone, and totally fishing his computer for fun pictures (porn?), and here's my dilemma. There's a girl, lets call here X-e. And supposedly X-e is my brother's girlfriend, who is so scantily dressed on his birthday, you can be devirginized just by looking. And, to that, X-e gets I'm all over you piccies with every boy in the party, which just gets me thinking, who's girl is it anyway?

Now I'm back in Bombay, resigned from my old job, look forward to new beginnings and all that, like at least presence of the other sex in my workplace for a change would be good, maybe I'll start to dress better then, and shower everyday, even Mondays. You all do that, stop rolling eyes and acting all "oh god! you're filthy!" surprised. Now, it's a Sunday morning and I was just time passing waiting for my paper. Sorry about being rude, but gotta go. Ta!

Blank Noise and Bombay Addiction and World Dont Stand No Chance

For the first part of the title, here. I contributed my story for a section called Action Heroes. Support.

I spent Diwali with Hussain at Prithvi and Juhu Beach. Been insanely busy writing for topics I dont really understand, Insurance, Management, Indemnity, Winter Gardening, Addiction, you get the drift. Well, Addiction, I do understand :P And why am I writing trash? Well chicas, we got Rent issues.

I have also been going nuts fixing Internet connections, moving, traveling in Autos, cooking, stuck in messy transactions with Bai, quality checking LIITs around umm everywhere, contemplating saving, hogging shawarmas et cetera.

I'm indebted, with sparse money in a city with much too many avenues to spend on, not to mention Landmark and Mango stores. I hope my Karma rewards me for my super-satiated behavior lately (in terms of shopping strictly). Strict leading to discipline leading to job thoughts, reminds me, I have a deadline. So more life updates later.


All in all, times, they are a changin'

Phokat Incoherent Brouhaha

There is a seductive shimmer on the horizon of happiness. It doesn’t let you rest. It’s tempting and worse off, always an option. When you’ve been hurt before, you want to just play the rims. Stay on the covers, smile from far and not involve. Not indulge. But that’s no way to happiness. Stuck in the sham, drudgery and broken dreams, we forget the little nuisance of an honest smile. A dreamy stare. A warm touch. A sign. And to yearn for it, is to almost reach it. That’s the way to be happy. Yearn. Dive. Sink. Surrender. (Goofy Smile- Humungous)

Few advises (for free)

1. Every person must live in student hostel once. Atleast long enough to realize that it’s probably a bad idea to not employ domestic help and act oversmart to claim that we do all our jhaadu and the like ourselves.

2. Some people are just plain lucky, and no matter how much you crib (or stare in disbelief) there’s nothing much you can do about it but sulk.

3. So much reluctance to not dress up is also a sort of vanity.

4. ‘Absolute’ does not exist. Absolute love, Absolute honesty, Absolute happiness, Absolutely stunning, eh. However, Absolut Vodka does :) And Thank God for that. Halle-fucking-lujah.

5. Food is one of the purest forms of pure lust. Pure, pure, sacred. I characterize every activity and phenomenon with food now. Say for example:
Wrapping in my comforter before sleeping: Becoming a Burrito
When the power cuts off: It makes me a Fried Chicken
When people throw attitude: Don’t go Foie gras on me!
To save on the sanity, I’ll leave my racist associations alone. Ask me in private, its good stuff ;)

The fun gossip from College, I didn’t share it here, so here’a cover on the wait-for-it – Cat Fight. We had a HR Services presentation; we presented Southwest Airlines HR Services. And some biaatchh couldn’t take the peace and took up a fight middle of the presentation, contesting our sources (and made us loose 5 marks in the end term presentation). Trouble. We’re a 6 girls group. Repeat – Girls. Six. Grouped. And mad. My dearie gawd, we screwed her happiness. Ofcourse, I had a guilt trip later for doing that. But for that little while that it lasted, it was fun. But on the whole, this was a satisfying week. A 52 page proposal for my world’s favourit-est company fetched me an ‘A’. And I’m max kicked. The company is IKEA if any of you are wondering. On other fronts, I still don’t have a summer Internship in order. But Jo’anna don’t lose no hope.

And No, I’m not yet over on my self confessed obsession to DevD. The damn thing is my wallpaper, and if you must know, I made a collage of my favourite shots from the film in between classes. I love it that much. Dhol Yaara Dhol makes you want to be in love. Butttt.. Delhi-6? What was the objective again? I mean, bhai koi original game laao. Sirf aaina dikhaane se kuch nahi hoga, humen bahut log dikha chuke hain. Hum metaphors aur simile waale sophisticates hain hi nahi dost. Hum nahi samajhte. Mujhe toh aakhir tak ummeed thi ek asli ke kaale bandar ki. Ki koi Makrand Deshpande lookalike maidaan main koodkar dilliwalon se confess karega, sansanikhej khabar banegi, thoda public drama banega, maze aayengi. Sab waste. Poori movie waste hain. 120 Rs bhi waste huye. Genda Phool hi ek layak cheez thi, iske liye itni jaddojahad jheli. Par, Gulaal in just around the corner. Ranaji was delightful, Rekha Bhardwaj’s voice is so captivating and so raw, it has a brittleness which is so original. I love love love her voice.

Also, I was twittering the other day, what the hell is this usage of word Bang? I thought it meant, yeah, that. What are all these new usages springing? Is it just used in Bombay? Someone said yesterday while giving me directions, ‘Bang opposite of ICICI’. Huh!? Oh, and ‘Bang on!’ Hmm, sure. Let me know, if this semantic harakiri is used any other way. I’m interested in all the umm.. banging.

Rest of the world is going by it’s speed. And I wouldn't change a thing. Get it? Get it? Si ;-)

See ya. And so long.

Big City Woes

Its been quiet here, I know. There's way too much going on, and in weird ways too much stagnantion. So much happened in the past few days that its hard to believe that its just been a month since the last time I wrote. I'm not myself anymore. I would stop here about what's really been on my mind, I wont have the words for it, or the heart. Some other time, some other place maybe.

So I'll just talk about my Corporate Grooming Lessons, my business school first month experience, first time away from home experience and everything in between.

Everyone's about a foot taller here, I feel sickeningly inferior - body image wise. Sometimes, when I get up to answer from my desk, I have a feeling that even standing I'm reaching to the same height as when everyone else is sitting.

People are not as competitive as I thought they would be, well, you cannot be sure I guess, since the exams have another month to go and again, I'm in HR. So yeah.

I've realized that I'm not a friendly person. People have made so many friends and so many numbers in their cell phones and so many movies and shopping trips to Colaba. My counter stands on one friend, and a few (very few) acquaintances. I'd like to believe that I take time, but again, as one of my classmates pointed out as my personality feedback in class "I'm not interested in people". Eitherway, its just a phase, everything is. Impermanence, remember.

I've been debating whether that last punctuation should have been a full stop or a question mark, I wrote it for here or for myself? I dont know. I really dont.

Since the last month, I've realized, if at any point you get stuck in a discussion or a case in your Business Class, the answer will most definitely revolve somewhere around Leadership, Teamwork and Goals. Not kidding. I'm going to revise this list soon, and I'm going to be very very pissed off if at the end of two years my answer doesnt change.

Mumbai should have a monsoon break over a summer vacation. Its moist, dirty, slippery, sticky and bloody wet. In my mind for now, rains are a rich man's delight, great from a high up building floor with AC working and a warm coffee mug in hand. It sucks when you have to walk in it from the station all the way to the hostel, with a backpack and a laptop bag in the hand and you cant find a rickshaw and you're thinking of the warden's face when she sees you at the gate - late. Irritating.

I've started eating a lot. I'm always thinking that the next meal might not turn out that good, so I just start stacking it in my stomach I guess. I've had the biggest craving for home cooked Dal-Chawal, and its sad to think that the earliest I'll get it will be Diwali. On the positive side thankfully the Rotis are not as thick, one problem out of the way, good.

I have gotten my first laptop, its a very ok Lappy we got by the college, but its mine, I looooove it! I carry it with me everywhere, and its an acer, so it not particularly feather weight. Its not even funny.

I thought there's a certain way girls smell and everyone's body has a unique fragrance and how deoderants are so artificial. That was until I had travelled in Mumbai Local Trains. Outlooks change, you know. Enter, Nike Woman.

For the most part though, I dont mind the local trains at all, the city would come to a standstill if weren't for these. By the way, First Class is no First Class, its a waste. Never buy it, if you can afford ten minutes to but the second class ticket.

Alright, I really need to crib and use this blog for its rightful purpose of existence - to vent out frustrations. There are no geysers in my hostel bathrooms. Its raining and cold water in the shower at 6:30 am is like being electrocuted, even worse than that if you have to shampoo, and condition, and wash clothes, stack of them thanks to the damn rain. And..and everytime after you use it, you bring your soap and shampoo back to your room and lock everything up. You lock before sleeping. You lock when you go to the bathroom. You lock your food. I once had a dream that my lovely Chakli from Indore got stolen. Aaah, breathe easy, just a nightmare. Lock the chakli, check.

More on hostel and a lot more on hostel facilities, coming right up, soon. But for now, time to get to Managerial Eco. Later then.