This is no onset to winter in Mumbai, this is a rude tease to everyone from colder places. And after spending the entire day in my room, down with fever, and watching 14 episodes of How I Met Your Mother back to back. I want.... second season.
I dont want any thoughtful movies. I want no deep meaning cinema. Hell, I dont even want any chick flicks. After I forced myself to read through the first few pages of The White Tiger, I'm not in mood for books. And after I gave away my new year dress to Joyee, can the damn New Year please start already?
So I got so kicked after Dasvidaniya, I made my own little list of 10 Things to do before I die. No, I'm not sharing it here. You think I'd share mine first??!! Ha! And I have edited it even more than I have edited my CV, and that is a lottt. The point is, my tenth position is still empty. I thought I'd have a million things I'd wanna have, looks like its just 9, even those look a little repetitive.
I just wanna go home. I'm missing home so much, its crazy. But there are three conferences coming up and not to forget the trashy end terms. This is stupid. I want a holiday, I wanna go home :(
30 days from today, thats the nearest date that I can go :( And what kind of a crazy whacko college has even the 25th and 31st Dec as working days? And what kinda of a Communication class makes you write 30 page proposals? And I thought A/C was all numbers, but no sir, there are cases (here too!?), and to be answered in a particular format. Someone should tell these crazy bald A/C professors, noone really gives a shit about there stupid formats and columned shits, uh... we have graphs now. And some stuckup asshole FIN major doing them for the rest. So why is he wasting my time again?
Gawd, my life was so set, I was doing my low key trashy writing and in my small little city it was acceptable standards also. And then some crazy fool got all the money talk and MBA in my brains..
Thats right, Priya, I hate you. You sorry ass.
P.S. Sorry about the language.
And if you're a heartbroken FIN major now, big shit.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Gooey Eeeky Things
A lizard fell on my head the day I came back to hostel from Diwali vacation, my mom said its good luck, I’m still waiting for the goodluck. Completely! I try the hardest in my life to not face this ugly creature and I just cant escape it I guess. One time (exactly an year ago), I was studying late at night it was say around 2 AM. I rarely sit on the study table and study. So I was on my bedroom floor with all my papers and it was really silent.
Suddenly I hear this funny paper sound. But I let is go, thinking its windy. And then I hear it again.. LOUDER! I get up and look around.. to my complete dismay and HORROR.. I see these two lizards making out (or whatever they were doing) on my desk! I wanted to scream... it was so gross. I hate lizards.. and they eek me out. They are so creepy. Eww.. and I was so scared. I am very scared of anything that crawls or any kind of reptiles.
Sooo.. I RUN to my mom's room, wake her up and I tell her that there are two lizards on my desk and I dont know what to do. My poor mom who was so sleepy told me to just sleep beside her.. but I was so scared I couldn't fall asleep at all after that. There is no moral in the story. Except for the fact, that, I hate Lizards so much. They're horrible. And especially when they're romantic.
This is true, I remember cause I put this back from an email I wrote to a friend that night. Gross, man. And today morning, just a few days since my recent lizard encounter, the damn thing was crawling right under my bed upto my cupboard. Shit. Does anyone know any sure shot measures to get them out of my poor small cramped room? Its my ugliest nightmare if this thing gets to my clothes hanging at the back of my door.
Other than that, I’m ve been cribbing so much about how I’m so poor. My roomies dragged me to that new Inorbit Mall in Vashi, and, shoot, its full of all this great stuff. That pink Marks and Spencer scarf, and the brown Benetton Jacket, oh and that Red kurta from Global Indian (or whatever that shop is called). Which reminds me, what is that shop Adamis? And how the hell in the world do you pronounce it, I think it’s a grossly bad move if its an Indian company, even people who’re studying business like me get intimidated and not up for it, its more crowd repulsive and weirding out, that attractive. Anyway, on the whole, I ended up feeling terrible that Sunday and so utterly insignificant amoungst all those awesomely dressed girlie crowd. I need money. Maaaaaannnnneeeeyyyyy Mannnnn! I wish my dad was a terrorist, or atleast an MLA. :-/ Huh.
Anyway, I have this article to read for my HR in Services Sector Class, its on HR Practices in Japan, its 18 pages. But I'm told it gets better later, I just don’t know how many pages should I skip to get to later.
Suddenly I hear this funny paper sound. But I let is go, thinking its windy. And then I hear it again.. LOUDER! I get up and look around.. to my complete dismay and HORROR.. I see these two lizards making out (or whatever they were doing) on my desk! I wanted to scream... it was so gross. I hate lizards.. and they eek me out. They are so creepy. Eww.. and I was so scared. I am very scared of anything that crawls or any kind of reptiles.
Sooo.. I RUN to my mom's room, wake her up and I tell her that there are two lizards on my desk and I dont know what to do. My poor mom who was so sleepy told me to just sleep beside her.. but I was so scared I couldn't fall asleep at all after that. There is no moral in the story. Except for the fact, that, I hate Lizards so much. They're horrible. And especially when they're romantic.
This is true, I remember cause I put this back from an email I wrote to a friend that night. Gross, man. And today morning, just a few days since my recent lizard encounter, the damn thing was crawling right under my bed upto my cupboard. Shit. Does anyone know any sure shot measures to get them out of my poor small cramped room? Its my ugliest nightmare if this thing gets to my clothes hanging at the back of my door.
Other than that, I’m ve been cribbing so much about how I’m so poor. My roomies dragged me to that new Inorbit Mall in Vashi, and, shoot, its full of all this great stuff. That pink Marks and Spencer scarf, and the brown Benetton Jacket, oh and that Red kurta from Global Indian (or whatever that shop is called). Which reminds me, what is that shop Adamis? And how the hell in the world do you pronounce it, I think it’s a grossly bad move if its an Indian company, even people who’re studying business like me get intimidated and not up for it, its more crowd repulsive and weirding out, that attractive. Anyway, on the whole, I ended up feeling terrible that Sunday and so utterly insignificant amoungst all those awesomely dressed girlie crowd. I need money. Maaaaaannnnneeeeyyyyy Mannnnn! I wish my dad was a terrorist, or atleast an MLA. :-/ Huh.
Anyway, I have this article to read for my HR in Services Sector Class, its on HR Practices in Japan, its 18 pages. But I'm told it gets better later, I just don’t know how many pages should I skip to get to later.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Fallout Girl
I heard someone say once that every song ends, but that’s no reason to not enjoy it. One ends and one starts, that’s what they say, right? This has been weird year. There are parts which feel like yesterday and some moments lost which feel like light years ago. I miss those all, and I miss those people. I know its not the year end yet, but I want it to end cause I can’t wait to start afresh. Every year, and with every fallout I always promise myself that whoever’s fault it is, I’m gonna get out of it being a better person. And my heart knows I try. I figure I’ve been reckless with a few of my friends, judging them, ignoring them. The truth is I’m scared, feel vulnerable, feel afraid to not be accepted. There was a line in Into the Wild, it said ‘it’s not about how strong you are, it’s about how strong you feel’. And I know I’m stronger than that, I can be a better person for this. Courage is not always winning. Courage is losing and then wake up each morning saying I’ll try again today.
I’ll try again today.
From the playlist, Lately, Helio Sequence and Phir Dekhiye, Rock On.
P.S. Priya I miss you too much, come back! Or atleast get a freakin night out and come to Bombay.
P.P.S And yeah, stop obsessing about Obama. All of you.
Wokay, gotta rush, Strat Man class now and then HR in Service Sector. Aargh! Yeah, yeah, you all have a good life too.
I’ll try again today.
From the playlist, Lately, Helio Sequence and Phir Dekhiye, Rock On.
P.S. Priya I miss you too much, come back! Or atleast get a freakin night out and come to Bombay.
P.P.S And yeah, stop obsessing about Obama. All of you.
Wokay, gotta rush, Strat Man class now and then HR in Service Sector. Aargh! Yeah, yeah, you all have a good life too.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Wishlist
I could use company and a few drinks.
I need a new book in my life.
(Mean)while
“मनवा में मेरे आँधी हैं उठी,
और स्तब्ध खड़ी हूँ मैं;
साँसों में बाँध अपनी ही साँस,
निः शब्द खड़ी हूँ मैं;
दुनिया से जीती, जीती ख़ुद से हारी,
बस ध्वस्त खड़ी हूँ मैं;
आईना मैं, और अक्स मैं,
मद-मस्त खड़ी हूँ मैं।”
“मन कि दशा से लड़ती मैं भिडती,
विश्वस्त खड़ी हूँ मैं;
मेरी लाज मैं हूँ, चुनर भी मैं हूँ,
चुनर पे दाग़ भी मैं।”
“मैं श्याम-श्वेत, बादल मैं रेत,
निर्जर-सी छरी हूँ मैं;
अन्ध्यारी रात दीपक में बात,
स्वप्निल-सी परी हूँ मैं;
कंचन कि काया, अपना ही साया,
बस ख़ुद से डरी हूँ मैं;
लकड़ी में गीली, थोडी सहमी सी,
थम-थम के चली हूँ मैं;
विश्वस्त खड़ी हूँ मैं,
निः शब्द खड़ी हूँ मैं,
सर्वत्र खड़ी हूँ मैं,
सर्वत्र खड़ी हूँ मैं।”
I need a new book in my life.
(Mean)while
“मनवा में मेरे आँधी हैं उठी,
और स्तब्ध खड़ी हूँ मैं;
साँसों में बाँध अपनी ही साँस,
निः शब्द खड़ी हूँ मैं;
दुनिया से जीती, जीती ख़ुद से हारी,
बस ध्वस्त खड़ी हूँ मैं;
आईना मैं, और अक्स मैं,
मद-मस्त खड़ी हूँ मैं।”
“मन कि दशा से लड़ती मैं भिडती,
विश्वस्त खड़ी हूँ मैं;
मेरी लाज मैं हूँ, चुनर भी मैं हूँ,
चुनर पे दाग़ भी मैं।”
“मैं श्याम-श्वेत, बादल मैं रेत,
निर्जर-सी छरी हूँ मैं;
अन्ध्यारी रात दीपक में बात,
स्वप्निल-सी परी हूँ मैं;
कंचन कि काया, अपना ही साया,
बस ख़ुद से डरी हूँ मैं;
लकड़ी में गीली, थोडी सहमी सी,
थम-थम के चली हूँ मैं;
विश्वस्त खड़ी हूँ मैं,
निः शब्द खड़ी हूँ मैं,
सर्वत्र खड़ी हूँ मैं,
सर्वत्र खड़ी हूँ मैं।”
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Too Many Questions, Too Few Answers
Why? Why did you have to be in my life in the first place? And now, I don’t have a say in getting you out of it too? I want to get over it, but probably that’s what my problem is. I never get over anything. I always feel like it all goes on forever, it’s all connected. And just keeps getting complex by the day. And I keep accumulating these unforsaken memories, moment by moment, every day of my life. I’m getting old and tired you know. And there are quite a few I want to get rid of. And I never forget anything. And I don’t forgive myself. Ever. Probably the reasons why my sentences are short. Sometimes I think I’ll do everyone around me a little favour if I stop being this hopeful. I’m really such a fool.
The biggest fear, the one I think is a jinx to even utter, is that I’m not hopeful. And I don’t want to believe it, I’m the only person left now, who’s counting on me. And I don’t want to let myself down, again. I really just want to be strong. I really just want a plain life. Maybe even a petty and insignificant life, that’s great actually. Anything normal works.
I hate myself for letting this happen. Love, love me do. Sob sob sad lady.
The biggest fear, the one I think is a jinx to even utter, is that I’m not hopeful. And I don’t want to believe it, I’m the only person left now, who’s counting on me. And I don’t want to let myself down, again. I really just want to be strong. I really just want a plain life. Maybe even a petty and insignificant life, that’s great actually. Anything normal works.
I hate myself for letting this happen. Love, love me do. Sob sob sad lady.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
“I’ve known people like them. They all have certain characteristics in common. They’re tough, because there’s a kind of toughness that’s found in the worst sorrow. They’re honest because the truth of what happened to them won’t let them lie. They’re angry, because they can’t forget the past or forgive it. And they’re lonely. Most of us pretend, with greater or lesser success, that the minute we live in is something we can share. But the past for every one of us is a desert island; and those like Khaled, who find themselves marooned there, are always alone.”
-Lin, Shataram
I like these lines. They make me smile, in respect, retrospect and nervousness. As they say, you only love in something or someone, the part which is you. Are you with me so far? Rephrasing, only that in you which is me, can hear what I’m saying. Probably the reason why the above bit has been ringing in my ears since last night.
P.S. Other than that, I’ve noticed that my capacity to swear at any random moment of my life (awake, semi awake and in almost sleeping states) has never been better. There is not a single context in the past one month or so which has been devoid of atleast a single F**k or Ch**t as my reaction. The latter is a lot more satiating phrase ofcourse. F**k is vague, there’s way too many intangible and softer uses for the word, in turn the real glory is lost in the chaos. Whereas, Ch**t is direct, in the face, no shitting and damn serious. I love that, and the sound of it.
-Lin, Shataram
I like these lines. They make me smile, in respect, retrospect and nervousness. As they say, you only love in something or someone, the part which is you. Are you with me so far? Rephrasing, only that in you which is me, can hear what I’m saying. Probably the reason why the above bit has been ringing in my ears since last night.
P.S. Other than that, I’ve noticed that my capacity to swear at any random moment of my life (awake, semi awake and in almost sleeping states) has never been better. There is not a single context in the past one month or so which has been devoid of atleast a single F**k or Ch**t as my reaction. The latter is a lot more satiating phrase ofcourse. F**k is vague, there’s way too many intangible and softer uses for the word, in turn the real glory is lost in the chaos. Whereas, Ch**t is direct, in the face, no shitting and damn serious. I love that, and the sound of it.
Friday, September 19, 2008
BULLshit
So, ladies and gentlemen, I have no time. No, really. Not kidding, I have no time. I make my schedules everyday on my diary with a list of things to-do, few carried forward from yesterday’s, few from even before, some fresh emergency project completion items, some over ambitious plans; and a wishlist-type-to-do which include items like oil your hair, soak feet in warm water, take off the chapped nail paint from toes, read the new fiction book from Colaba whose bargaining price I gave my soul to, and the like.
So, I guess there is a reason people start breaking up when they go to business schools, not just because they cant give time to their needy, cutely, and oh-so-sexy counterparts, its also because they have no time for themselves (read personal grooming). My hair is thinning, I fear much much faster than the US recession. My complexion fluctuates like Indian Inflation as off late, majorly its always towards the bad news. An important contributor I must here give credit to, the Mumbai Moisture and its outstanding ability to invite dust and retain it, with every trip outside. And yes, my palms feel like a nasty marathon runner crocodile’s feet, thanks to the new found, weekly due liability of washing clothes.
Today in my Operations Management class, in the stream of handouts being passed around, one of them, I overlooked slightly for some paper which read “Thought of the Day”, my eyes lighted up! I studied arts for my graduation! Finally. Anything related to something from my earlier education, I couldn’t thank God enough for the opportunity I was provided to top my class, atleast once, just for discussing one handout. That’s enough too. My eyes already scouting for words like learning, life, love, truth, sanity, soul, purpose, righteousness, uncertainty… Sigh. I looked at the paper, was horrified to disbelief and starting writing this blog at the back of the handout.
Here, share the joy.
Thought of the Day
“Bull markets are born in despair, rise with skepticism, mature with optimism, and die with mania.”
-Franklin Templeton
Fuck, yeah.
So, I guess there is a reason people start breaking up when they go to business schools, not just because they cant give time to their needy, cutely, and oh-so-sexy counterparts, its also because they have no time for themselves (read personal grooming). My hair is thinning, I fear much much faster than the US recession. My complexion fluctuates like Indian Inflation as off late, majorly its always towards the bad news. An important contributor I must here give credit to, the Mumbai Moisture and its outstanding ability to invite dust and retain it, with every trip outside. And yes, my palms feel like a nasty marathon runner crocodile’s feet, thanks to the new found, weekly due liability of washing clothes.
Today in my Operations Management class, in the stream of handouts being passed around, one of them, I overlooked slightly for some paper which read “Thought of the Day”, my eyes lighted up! I studied arts for my graduation! Finally. Anything related to something from my earlier education, I couldn’t thank God enough for the opportunity I was provided to top my class, atleast once, just for discussing one handout. That’s enough too. My eyes already scouting for words like learning, life, love, truth, sanity, soul, purpose, righteousness, uncertainty… Sigh. I looked at the paper, was horrified to disbelief and starting writing this blog at the back of the handout.
Here, share the joy.
Thought of the Day
“Bull markets are born in despair, rise with skepticism, mature with optimism, and die with mania.”
-Franklin Templeton
Fuck, yeah.
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