A Long Lost Red Crayon

The greatest factor that keeps us all going in life is a possibility of a better future.

As I sit here and watch over the past few years in a fanatic speed of bollywood flashback reel, I had, just like everyone else, thousands of these moments. When the present looks so dreary you almost leap down to thinking of giving it all up, for a distant house, a secluded city, anonymity.

You secretly keep wishing that in time you'll fall asleep and the morning will hold a better note.

I didnt let Bhaiya and Bhabhi out of my sight the entire night. Actually, it was quite impossible not to notice them. Colourful, vivid, young, energetic, lost.

He slided a ring in her finger. It was a twin band, one gold and the other white gold with diamonds studded all around it. Feel nothing. And then it was her turn, a broad gold ring with some twelve diamonds fitted in a square shape. Eww.

My aunt kept staring at me. As if my standing there was some bad luck for the couple. I'll just blame the cinema (for convenience) for ->
'divorced/widow=bad luck'
Eh, she hates me anyways, who cares.

I tried my level best to get lost in the crowd. But something or the other kept happening. Your coke needed ice, people come up to you and want to know hows college, you get hungry, its too cold, its suffocating. Useless unavoidable things.

Suddenly, I looked around to see everyone and it was like being in pairs was an obligation. All you see are couples. "Where the hell are those loud, obnoxious little kids when you need them in the picture?"

You know when you were in fourth grade and you get invited to a classmate's birthday party at their house. Chole-bhature, cake and triangular flourescent green caps. And you get a 10 rupees 12 colour crayon set.

Years down the lane, you find those crayons in the study table drawer. You cant throw them away, cause some weird Indian mother voice in your head keeps repeating, 'You might need them someday'. So you chuck them somewhere in there and shut the drawer close. Dark. It might never see the light of the day, but then again, it might.

I feel like that long lost red crayon. I want to sleep.

Adherence

It seems to me that we all want to be different. A rebel. Its cool, isnt it? (Wait, do we still use the 'cool' word? It came out while I was in school, and I remember how everyone wanted it in their email IDs.. I loved that time) (Shit, ADD, ok back here now). So I was saying being weird is standard. How we all take immense pride in it, its pretty amazing. Sometimes I think that we'd be better rebels if we become conformists once in a while.

Everyone reminds me of someone. Heh, two hoots to the stinking originality eh? Dissapointments, all the way. Abandon all hope ye who enter here.

However, loyalty prevails from the world of written words. Here's something I absolutely loved.

'Conceit'
by D.H.Lawrence

It is conceit that kills us
and makes us cowards instead of gods.

Under the great Command: Know thy self, and that
thou art mortal!
we have become fatally self-conscious, fatally self-important,
fatally entangled in the cocoon coils of our conceit.

Now we have to admit we can't know ourselves,
we can only know about ourselves.
And I am not interested to know about myself any more,
I only entangle myself in the knowing.

Now let me be myself, now let me be myself,
and flicker forth, now let me be myself, in the being, one of the gods.

Alright then.

Whoa(man!)

I coudn't believe my eyes. So first, these looked like some complicated letters (please also do look at the board they're holding) and I thought it was one of those foriegn language phrases which have been comfortably adopted in the English language for example Lingua Franca ( like what the fuck?!). But anyway, then I took a guess and I thought it's a long shot for a HIV PSA. But uhh, No.

This is a poster for the upcoming Parliamentary Elections on October 21st in Poland. Yes. I know. Its a campaign for the newly founded 'Women's Party'.

The poster also incorporates their electoral slogan: "Everything for the future... and nothing to hide."

So we see.

I've spoken for women all the sane years that I remember from my life but this is amusing even to me and after letting the weirdness of it sink in, I find it kind of offending. Actually, demeaning.

Anyway thank god, its Poland. Even the thought of Sushma Swaraj and Uma Bharti standing here makes me nauseous.

Graffiti

My exam centre today was this St.Paul's. Its a boys school in Indore. I was a little before time and I went in to sit in the classroom earlier.

This is what I found written on the last desk of the rightmost row of Class XI-B, engraved skillfully with a rounder.

"Jab main chhota bachcha tha tab main rapper ban na chaahta tha;
ab main bada bachcha hun, ab main raper ban na chaahta hun"

I had to share this.

AFTERMATH

We've all read 'The World Is Flat'. Good book. Organized, descriptive, interesting anecdotes, almost inspiring. Do I hear biased?

'Globalization' as a subject for bestsellers is great. And, so is, selective reporting of facts and a positive bias, after all, even writers have mortgages to pay. So all that synergy and equal opportunity, faster internet, outsource, outshore, insource, in-form is fine but on what costs? Is that all that there is to having the small grow smaller?

Extremism/Radicalism/Fanaticism however you call it breeds out of intolerance. Modernization buys for each of us 'noninterference'. Then how come when on a personal level we seek independence and noninterference, on a broader spectrum we're forced to bind together and agree all?

What gives the more scientifically advanced nations the right to dictate and impose their so-assumed higher moral structures on others?

What I'm trying to say is, from my small cluttered window, as I view the world, 'Terrorism' is an outcome of forced socializing in the big global family. An aftermath of Globalization.

Even when we build houses we know that we shouldn't peep in others' houses. That we respect the fences and each others' privacy. How well we define 'their business' and 'my business'. Well, yeah.

Isn't indifferent a much preferred state to be in than living the terrible consequences of intolerance?

I personally think none of this (read Extremism) would've existed if we all just stuck to our business? No social structure gives any of us the right to make others live to our terms and repair something which isn't broken yet. Advise which is not asked is also not appreciated, not personally, not nationally.

The Eskimos would've rejoiced in their Sushi and Igloos. The Sub-Saharan people riding the camels, coming home to their belly dancing wives. See, such authentic culture would've been retained too.

I'm sick of Terrorism, the world my friends, needs more genuine problems.

P.S. Anyone having access to Television, do watch 'The Business Quiz', its on CNBC TV-18.

I realized while writing this that Comma is my absolute favourite punctuation mark. Its... hopeful.

Hola!

If I ever live to have kids, the one thing I want to consciously inculcate in them would be - honesty. Even if it turns out to be the only thing they'd ever learn from me.

Aur kuch kehne ka hain nahi besides, I'm bored now. Bye.

सुकून

खुशियो की कगार पर खडा खडा
कभी मन यू भी विचलित होता है की
ये सारा सुख सारा सुकून
कही किसी पल एकाएक खो ना जाए
गर्म रेगिस्तान मे बालु की तरह
दुर कही उड्ता हुआ बिखर न जाए
मगर ये सब खुशिया आपकी मेहनत की कमाइ है
आपके प्यार की सिचाई है
तो फ़िर सुकून आपसे परे कहा जाए

मन जिनका इतना साफ़ हो
उनकी निश्चिन्तता की तो कोइ सीमा ही नही
हर उल्झन से अछुता
हर खला से विभूत
दुनियादारी मे तो सब माहिर हो जाते है
मगर प्यार, रिश्ते, अच्छाई, इन्सानियत
के हुनर कौन सिखाए
जब कर्मो से इतना उट जाए
की नज़रे लिहाज़ से नीची होती चली जाए
तो फ़िर सुकून आपसे परे कहा जाए

कोइ चाह कर भी कहा कर सके आप सी उडान
बेसबब कहा ले सर कोइ इतना इम्तेहान
जिनकी दुनिया सिर्फ़ नर्म मुस्कुराहटो से रौशन हो जाए
तो फ़िर सुकून आपसे परे कहा जाए

:) Wrote it for Nanaji on his 80th Birthday. Hindi/Urdu, just however the words came. No set standard, hence sub standard ;)

Khair, had too much fun writing it, so worth it all. Ta ta.

:)

Hussain's sms made my day. Here-

अब तो घबरा के ये केहते है की मर जायेन्गे
मर गये पर ना लगा दिल तो फ़िर किधर जयेन्गे

If you want to read the full version, look up Ibrahim Zauq at UrduPoetry :)

Logic

All people must fail once.
Some who fail, learn.
Some fail twice.

SOL

Wtf, am I doing? I'm sure everyone goes through this phase, so its all cool in a very zen-ish big minded way, but lets not rule out the pent up frustration and frequent sudden urges to just - SOL viz. Scream Out Loud.

Ever since I've started to know myself, I have wanted to write. For a living and for living. Thats a good start I thought, I know what I like to do.

Reality Bite: I'm studying for CAT. Why? Because writing apparently doesnt 'really' pay your bills. Especially so, when you intend to travel across historical places and take resolute pride in some grand epicure. Hence the mix-up with numbers, graphs and cases. Anyway.

So we had a test at my MBA Prep Classes, the results were very distressing, this was also expected. But the reason I was taken aback is - I 'even' failed English. So what does that say? That says - No help! If I had failed one section or two, I'd know what to work more on, how to divide up and where I stand. But failing in ALL, means working equally hard at all. WTF. Now, I have to work hard-'er' in 3 sections out of 3. Great. Thanks. This was helpful.

On other fronts, I cant wait to get my hands on the still digi, the rains are here and all I wanna do is sit on the terrace and click away.

I miss Priya so much. I'm miserable without her screaming in my ears, more so without her dense, loud obnoxious laughter filling the house. Some books done with, some movies later, life is pretty much at the same speed as when she left. Just a little airy maybe, since there isnt her big ass rolling around my house. Even my house misses her. Come home, man. We need to watch the rains and write some poetry.

Does 'Miserable' in any way spring off from 'Missing'? Just curious. And since you got me started, what about 'Curious' and 'Cure'?

Anyway, here's to .. good ol' memories :) Love ya, chica!

HAIL HAIL INTERNET!

The TOPMOST reason I absolutely love internet, is, it takes investigative journalism to one level WAYYYYY up. What awesome fun.


P.S. "Top Ten Reasons Why Geeks Are Better Lovers" Now did you ever think you'd find a story such as this.


I personally think it just doesnt get any more 'factual' than this. Agreed 100%. My top ten reasons -


1. Foremost, the really smart guys are less likely to be threatened by smart girls. ( that's right, this is my blog and ofcourse I'm allowed to use my very own assumptions about myelf ;-) bracket close.


2. They type all day, think.


3. I'm absolutely certain they are aware of quality over quantity. Realtionships and people per se.


4. I like men when their talks have content and varied subjects. Its so much more intriguing than having to talk about JUST cell phones.


5. Hehe, just as the writer said, "They are not socially equipped to cheat on you! ( wanna bet?)"


6. They really research - 'Everything'. Its not even funny. And its all good, detail oriented, you see. Ofcourse, we've all researched sex (and related terms) in dictionaries in high school, but these guys have really got it going.


7. Most of them wear glasses. Enough said.


8. No cheap flirting. And even when they try, its lame and super cute.


9. They Observe. They Experiment. And They Infer. Very Quick learners.


10. They are very very fun company. They talk sense, read, know good music and they play scrabble with you.

Trip to Gandhi's Residence

'Simple, extremely predictable yet enchanting

calm, serene and moreso with a willful unmistakable vigour

unimaginably petite wrists and an indomitable spirit

anger, protest, rebellion and silence'.

Nope, I am not making a list of pick the odd word out lines.

There could not have stood a better example. None of us are typecast-able. No one word defines any of us. We're all a shabby cluster of infinite qualities and possibilities.

We meet ourselves in a thousand disguises time and again, within ourselves. Some we radiate, some we reject and yet more that we do not understand at all.

It's all like a linen of quintessential multiple realities. Just as our problems, so as our souls. Well, I wish that in life, may we all be what ever all we can be.

Amen. Awomen.

फ़ैसला

बमुश्किल ज़रूर है पर..

इस नजायज़ फ़ैस्ले की ज़िम्मेदारी मै लेती हू
थोडी गल्तियान मुझे करने दो
थोडी दुआ करुन्गी तुमसे हो..

इतना ही सीखा है तजुर्बे से.. जितना गिरते है उतना सम्भलेन्गे.

Adequate Etiquette

What gives men the liberty to scratch their crotch in public?

Maybe, co-education was not as prevalent in the yester years and so again, maybe, it is'nt as obscene between men. And now, they just forget that the ambience and the company has long changed after school.

I think its disgusting.

What would a man think of a woman slyly scratching between her legs, and keeping the eye contact intact as if nothing happened.

Bhai's answer, "Sexy" ;)

Oh well!

नव युग वाणी

Slow and steady... need a new car! :)

Oldest debate.. More comments.

My cousin brother just got married. Bhabhi just as any other newly married girl wears the dupatta over her head. Its freakin hot, for christ's sake.

And then it occured to me. What about all my other friends who have to wear a burqua to come to even college.

As justified and explained (by others) the burqua , hijab or the head scarf are instruments to save the women from the lustful eyes of men.

My question is, however, why should us women be behind a darkened prison, in suffocation, for you guys' sexual problems?

No, really.

Regardless if allah said so or not, isnt it inhuman to cover people from head to toe?

Well, in the first case, women have sexual urges too. How come Allah didnt command the men to cover up? Obviously, he didnt treat men and women as equals. Talk about where inequality started. This is no personal attack on Muslim traditions, dont even get me started on 'Sita Maiyya', 'Agni Parikshaa' and 'Character debates'.

I suddenly see in people a growing rage to "lets get back to our taditions". Probably because more women are chucking the burqua, pallu, sorry [sic. saree]. And in some crazy logic maybe they think covering the head will also cover the brain.

At times, in my past, I took decisions that nobody would expect from a girl. Had it been a boy noone would have questioned the injustice done to him. But just because I'm a woman I guess I was supposed to stay quite and be a nice submissive little girl. Let go and compromise. I too, just like others have only one life.

बात इतनी है की अन्याय को सेहना सिर्फ़ कायरता नही, वोह भी न्याय के खिलाफ़ अन्याय ही है

Is the media glitter too blindingly glowy? Or am I just too old, too soon?

So when you work in Media, you meet really big people. Talented people. People who other people call celebrity people. Photographers, Directors, Musicians, Composers, Producers, Writers, Critics et al. They talk great and have all the 'rights' and at the end of the fancy party, they flirt with you. What a waste.

Its all good, you know, in a very non-cynical, all optimistic delusional almost teenag-y sort of way. But none of that is true. I'm none of the above stated. And for the 'n'th time~ No, I do not like hard rock. I am single and I am unavailable. And its not so bad at all.

HAD TO EDIT THIS PART.

Parties are never-never ending ( you have to be up and rolling for these, ofcourse) the doors are always open, the clothes are always scanty, flirt-dom is like a part-time rejuvenation that everyone accepts AND expects and the alchohol is free. It's a deal formulated by the Gods, flawless. For a GOA picture postcard its awesome but is this it?

Is this what its all about in Life? I dont know what its all about in life. Actually, I might even be the one person who's way.. wayy.. wayyy off to comment on which way to go. But I'd rather step back and accept that 'I dont know!'. I've been feeling so restless since a week. Damn! I cant even answer or reason for my own life. I dont have any answers. But none of us do. Knowing that you do not know everything is far wiser than thinking that you know when you really dont. Assumed expertise is far more aberrant than avowed ineptness.

Coming home to...

The idea for such a list is shamlessly plagiarised from a friend :)

So, I want to come back home to-

1. A small house with a balcony which views over to the freeways.

2. Somebody I'll be glad to see.

3. The control over the TV remote when I drink Chai.

4. Friendly silence or Inviting music, eitherway.

5. Books and Movies :) Infinitely.

6. A clean bed and white sheets.

7. Friends.

8. A comfortable couch to watch movies on and a huge, all encompassing blanket to get lost in.

9. A shelf of games.

10. A conversation like "what went on today?" :)

11. Someone to laugh with. Dance with. Drink with. Order food with. 'This' one might get longer, so, 'this' on a different post, sometime else .

12. Familiarity. ( All smiles)

I often wondered if any/every routine gets boring after a while? I have come to realize now that I'm not a person who seeks dynamic evenings and autumn leaves resolute anyway. It so happens that there are days and even weeks with nothing 'big' going on where I'd be obligated to a set pattern of work, dinner, talk and sleep. But I now think that, then, even patterns are worth looking forward to. I would still rejoice in the relaxed routine. Greatly revel in, evenings with nothing to do but talk and watch movies.

Just as I do now, 7:30 PM, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Everyday, without fail. There is no greater feeling then to proudly follow it. Always.

Cloudy and Crappy

I sometimes feel so angry that I wanna scream. eh, I feel clouded to even do that.

In hindsight, even being kind gets to you.

All that I went through, I think I discovered Grace and I got back my soul. Rest wasnt good enough carrying around anyway.